he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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