Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
