The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
