2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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