So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
