so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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