me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
