D3 body, D1 cock
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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