how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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