We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
