fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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