you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
