3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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