Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
