Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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