Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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