i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
