sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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