I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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