and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
