I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.