White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
