Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
