I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The beer is more important than you right now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.