Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty

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  (732): please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty http://tfl.nu/l1xo
  Replies (31) Good night (1116) Bad night (3976)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

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  (217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa
  Replies (20) Good night (6171) Bad night (1059)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (14097) Bad night (1391)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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  (250): My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances http://tfl.nu/ihp8
  Replies (15) Good night (1194) Bad night (4881)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

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  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (24) Good night (10105) Bad night (979)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

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  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6542) Bad night (1015)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline

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  (706): he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline http://tfl.nu/c26b
  Replies (6) Good night (2032) Bad night (889)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine

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  (978): He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine http://tfl.nu/bvyx
  Replies (12) Good night (2180) Bad night (747)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch

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  (812): You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch http://tfl.nu/d9ik
  Replies (3) Good night (1616) Bad night (459)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.

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  (541): Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me. http://tfl.nu/hakv
  Replies (13) Good night (946) Bad night (707)
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  (559): View more from California

  Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational

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  (559): Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational http://tfl.nu/6erv
  Replies (4) Good night (1779) Bad night (541)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We're using joints as your birthday candles

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  (734): We're using joints as your birthday candles http://tfl.nu/y3yt
  Replies (7) Good night (1898) Bad night (491)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?

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  (703): A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall? http://tfl.nu/zs4k
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (442)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....

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  (775): Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW.... http://tfl.nu/zpmo
  Replies (6) Good night (1230) Bad night (440)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  But your showmanship is impeccable.

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  (815): I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings. (217): But your showmanship is impeccable. http://tfl.nu/agt5
  Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (268)

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