So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night