disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
