yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
