just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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