remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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