Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
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his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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