Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
