I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
