i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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