i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
