I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize