He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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