You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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