the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
