I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
