I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
