His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
