Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
