Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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