You just made me feel so damn special
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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