Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
