just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
