What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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