If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
