I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
