so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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