if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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