i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize