my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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