If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
