Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
