i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
