Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
