Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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