I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
