Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
