this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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