GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
