is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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