ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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