Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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