I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
