can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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