I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
