I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have aggressive nipples.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
