If that was your dad, he is hot
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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