I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i now understand why vodka
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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