Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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