Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
