He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
