Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
