i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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